2) Self-Image: As discussed in earlier blogs, our children are excellent copy cats. If used appropriately, ability to imitate can give magical results but the same can result in PARROTING. Our children keep on repeating what we/other people say or behave. How to deal with this...????
Let us see the root cause. Our children are visual learners and are good at receptive vocabulary. So they grasp things readily & reproduce the same without understanding. Our children have vague self-image & self-esteem. These are the reasons they keep on repeating the behaviors even though undesirable/disliked by others. They are happy in their own world, unaffected by how people will think about them. As most of the time our mind set is SOO, we get disturbed by the child's behavior. We feel ashamed & can't deal with the situation effectively. If we look at the situation from their perspective we will be able to deal with it in a much better way.
We can help them by inculcating a strong self-image & thereby a strong self-esteem.
When in school, we used to play a game named 'Who am I?' Any one of us was blind folded and rest will decide the character to be identified without uttering a single word. Then the blind fold was removed. Now one by one all will start giving clues about the predecided character i.e she/he is good in studies, plays carom well, have curly hair, average height......etc. The one who was blind folded needed to identify the character with the help of the clues.
We can play 'Who am I?' with our children. This will give them the exact idea about their own selves. They will have a specific, strong and positive self-image. Be careful while playing not to label them i.e don't say 'a good boy/girl', 'a champ'... instead say ' a boy/girl who behaves nicely', ' a boy/girl who is good at...'
This game will not only help your child to build his/her own identity, but will help him/her to know about other family members differently. This game will help you to know how your child describes you. As I mentioned in my earlier blogs, it is very difficult to do counseling of our kids. So you cannot hear their inner voice. Through this game, the type of clues the child gives about other family members, you can even hear their inner voice.
Moral stories, appropriate appreciation, manner cards etc help your child to develop a strong self-image.
Click photos/videos of the child behaving acceptably & unacceptably. Later on sit with your child & let the child evaluate the behavior.
To inculcate a strong self-esteem and a strong self-image; distribution of work, distribution of responsibility, inclusive home environment, including the child in each and every happenings around work extremely well.
Let your 'Adult within' be in charge and trust the abilities of your child.
3) Dealing with insecurity: During the meet I saw few were not leaving the moms for a second. This is the result of too much of dependence. I saw moms were living their children's lives. They were continuously attending their children and were neglecting their own needs. Moms need to understand the difference between LOVE & PAMPER. Love helps to develop, pampering restricts the development. The child grows but fails to develop. Growth is increase in size while development is raising the standard. Raise the bar, trust your child, let him be in charge of himself.
Moms need to accept the fact that her child is another being...an individual...a miniature of an adult. Respect the individuality of your child. Take a break and think about your needs as well, respect your individuality as well, you are equally important person and you deserve love & care.
Why the child feels insecure?
He always finds mom around to fulfill all his needs. Child gets too much dependent on mom & fails to recognize his own strengths and abilities. This results in low self-confidence. Child is not ready to come out of his comfort zone. He always wants to be with his mom. The child fails to understand that even when he can't see his mom, mom is physically there somewhere.
To help the child to understand the concept of 'existence of unseen', play Pick-a-Boo and Hide & Seek games. Build a sand castle, dig a hole through the castle and shake hands with your child underneath the castle.
Learn to say 'NO'.
Prioritize your own needs & your child's needs. If needed say 'no' to your child i.e. 'mom needs some rest','mom wants to read','mom is talking to a friend','not now, mom is doing an important work'...etc.
This will not only increase your efficiency but also cultivate child's self dependency. Child will feel more confident.
I saw moms feeling guilty every now & often for not attending or doing enough for the child. Relax..your life has not ended...your right to laugh...your right to chill...your right to enjoy has not disappeared somewhere. And that too just because you are a mom of a special need child...!!!!
OUR ANGLES ARE FULL OF HAPPINESS,
LOVE & JOY....
WE NEED TO LEARN FROM THEM!
TO BE CONTINUED.......